Solitude

This is the second weekend in a row, that my husband was so nice to take the kids and give me space and time by myself. Most of my life I have been by myself. My mother and I were a small family unit of two and as a necessity stemming from her working 2 jobs and being very independent, I was raised very early to be self reliable and spent much time alone. I am and was not a loner though, anybody who knows me, can attest to how social I am and how I love to be with friends. As most things in life, there needs to be a balance though between shared and alone time. Solitude is a basic need for me. On one hand it recharges me and readjusts my being back to it's true self and on the other it enables my creativity by giving me rest and energy at the same time. Having a weekend to myself is incredibly freeing, peaceful and constructive.

With the birth of my first daughter, I was propelled into a world completely deficient of solitude and quiet and it took me a while to realize how important it is and that I need to cultivate it. Strange enough though, becoming a mother also made me very lonely. Loneliness is quite opposite from solitude. Solitude is the choice to be alone without being lonely, Loneliness is not a choice and can occur without being alone. I have often experienced the feeling of loneliness while being with other people, feeling out of touch and emotionally isolated.

I do not know if my love for solitude is circumstantial or inherited. My mother and grandmother both were individualistic people that craved it. Maybe it is part of the psyche of creative minds. All my life I have loved to go on long walks, especially by the water or to sit at dusk and just be. Communing with nature rather another person is a state of mind that feels like being one with the world and internally content. In today's world it can be difficult to reach that. We are never out of touch and can be reached anytime and anywhere, have entertainment in our pockets and calendars and to-do-lists that take every minute of our lives. So I have decided that I will try to have a block of time once a week that I spent in solitude and I hope that it can balance the craziness of the other days. So if you cannot reach me on my cell phone, I might be experiencing quiet solitude at Walden Pond, which is a bit closer that this beautiful lake in Maine.